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Archive for the ‘bisexual’ Category

This is the kind of thing I hear bi people say all the time to explain away what its like being in a monogamous relationship if you are bisexual. and you know what as a piece of rhetoric I loathe it, completely and utterly. Its an argument that makes no sense to me whatsoever

to illustrate: the kind of men I am mostly physically attracted to look like this
260-231_gabriel_byrne-web

antoniobanderascopy

leonard_cohen_the_essential_leonard_cohen

normal_ben_barnes_013

al-pacino-2

(Ben Barnes is kind of young, and Gabriel Bryne has blue eyes but all of these men are kind of in the ball park of what physically turns my head in a man)
My partner? Fair skin, mousy brown hair and light blue eyes and i have no issues with the fact that he doesn’t look anything like any of the men pictured here, I never even think about it because clearly that is a situations where I’m mostly attracted to a certain set of physical attributes but am in a relationship with someone who doesn’t have them.

But that isn’t the same when it comes to being bi, yes some of the things I’m attracted to in women are physical but they are way more profound than hair colour, hair color doesn’t effect sexual experiences, how you have sex and which bits of the body you have sex with, it also doesn’t effect the general shape of someones body or how their skin feels (women have way softer skin than men do, generally) Hair colour doesn’t have a big effect on how you view the world, how you move through the world, how the world treats you, how you’ve been socialised.

And while yes, there are a group of things I’m attracted to in anyone regardless if they are male or female but there are somethings about my attractions that are gender exclusive and the way I’m attracted to people feels different depending on their gender.

Also this idea completely simplifies the complex process I have to go through to in my head to be in the relationship I’m in. I love my partner and I’ve chosen to be in this relationship but that doesn’t mean there aren’t compromises and negotiations that have to go on in my own head to stay here, which are not ones I have to make or even think about over the fact that I’m not in a relationship with a dark haired, dark eyed, olive skinned man.

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