Archive for the ‘anti adoption’ Category

this is fromhere

Does the woman who decides to resolve her infertility by adopting really manage to kid herself that the donor of an adoptable child has a ‘choice’?. Would any woman with a choice put herself through nine months of pregnancy and go into labor having made the decision to surrender her child, if in fact there was another way? With the rare exception of surrogacy, carried out for money, no woman would knowingly, willingly do this. Does the infertile woman have the moral right to complete her family with another woman’s child? I think not.

Whatever happened to sisterhood, that brave frontier of gender equality where women banded together to fight the monster, that oppressor enabled by a structural inequality that collectively used woman’s fertility to keep her oppressed, uneducated, downtrodden, poor. I put it to every woman, that any woman who expects to exercise a ‘choice’ to fulfill her maternal needs with another woman’s child, has herself become that oppressor.

Adoption is the last resort for fertile women too young, too poor, too oppressed to have fertility choices; women lacking in self-esteem, in societal support, and in a belief of themselves. They come from all ethnicities, all cultures, all countries. The woman without choices – surrendering her child for adoption in 2003 – is actually the woman every woman could have been, had the feminist revolution not happened.

Until every woman, everywhere, has the right to raise the child she carried and birthed, the patriarchy is alive and well, still using ‘good’ women to punish ‘bad’ women – through the role of adoptive applicant. The personal remains political; adoption is a feminist issue.

(This article is very US Centric and like a lot of US anti adoption positions comes uncomfortably close to blaming women for their infertility but the piece I quote here is spot on)

It really, really bothers me that adoption is hardly talked about in feminist spaces, and when it is talked about it is uncritically with the classism, misogyny and racism totally unexamined and it is all too often about middle class feminists right to a child, not about the fact the system is so broken that children need to be adopted, or that there could be better, much more healthy alternatives to adoption.

taking a child away from a woman because she is young, poor, un(der) educated, disabled, has mental health issues or is otherwise disadvantaged is the antithesis of feminism to me. The feminist response and the anti consumerist response would be to support her in bringing the child up. (and no this is not what “open” adoptions are or do) children are not commodities and disadvantaged women are not baby providing machines


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or something.

In the UK this week is National Adoption Week and in America there’s a whole month of it

And pretty much all of it is aimed at prospective adoptive parents about how rewarding adoption is, how it gives unwanted children a chance, blah, blah, blah

and a lot of adoptive parents or prospective adoptive parents are talking about it and even first mothers

I celebrate and promote everything adoption related just because I love the act of adoption in general and what it represents.

Adoption truly is a blessing in so many lives!

Adoption is a wonderful thing.

but something conspicuously absent is adoptees voices or feelings in this

well for some of us adoption isn’t a wonderfull thing to be celebrated or encouraged, lots of adoptees do not see adoption as a good thing, as something to be happy about. Its painful, confusing, identity annihilating. we were not something to provide adults with a sense of purpose. We were not something to be “saved” (and then more often than not be forced to be “grateful” about being “saved) And we do talk about this. There are lots of us blogging about our lives, our experinces, but we dont get listened to, we get dismissed by prospective adoptive parents, by adoptive parents, by agencies and by people who have nothing to do with adoption because the societies we live in are so invested in the lie that adoption is a win/win/win situation for everybody involved when usualy two of the three parts of that triangle loose something irreplaceable.

And I’m not just talking about adoptees who had abusive or bad adoptive parents, while we do exist and our voices are important, there are many adoptees whose adoptive parents were good people. but that doesn’t negate the adoptees sense of greif and loss

For some of us this should be a time for grieving not celebrating.

and because it is important to me that the voice of adoptees get heard this week/ month I’m linking to a couple of posts by other adoptees

Peaches Post the Living Doll Talks about her personal experience of how being an adoptee can feel

and Possums post Bitter, Angry and Ungrateful Adoptee writes about how important it is that adoptive parents and prospective adoptive parents listen to us so the next generation of adoptees are better understood than wee were

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