You know….I read this blog-and after reading your comment again I am pissed. And I feel sick. So I am going to say this. I am going to answer your question since you are such a happy yappy “birth maryter” as some of the BSE Mothers put it-the type that oh so love Adoption-and refuse to see why giving away their own baby is wrong-if my “birth Mother” was like you, I’d say I’d of wanted you to of gotten off your lazy ass and and worked your ass off to take care of me LIKE YOU ARE SUPPOSED TOO-because it is YOUR responsibilty, because you are the one who had sex, and you are the one who made me-(and I am speaking as a single Mother myself who broke her back for my kid who I kept) not give your, no, have your responsiblity SOLD to someone else-you are SUPPOSED to love your child-you are supposed to be there for your child, as in living with your child everyday, as that is the only way your child would beleive that you love your child-children in Open Adoption still feel rejected by their Real Mothers, and you had no right to make your child feel rejected-I would also not want my Real Mother to go all over the fucking internet and say how much she loves Adoption because Adoptees take that as Real Mothers loving that they got rid of us-how would you feel if your Real Mother did that to you? If someone has a child, it is up to them to work and do the best they can-money will never make up for feeling rejected, or not getting to know their Real Mother that well, or at all. It is BEYOND pathetic you can not see that.
Sincerely,
Another bitter angry disgruntled Adoptee….

I think all too often adoption is sold a a good thing for everyone. I personally am anti adoption totally but I also think its really important for prospective adoptive parents to educate themselves on how it feels for adoptees and the best way to do this is by listening to adult adoptees.

It’s a really good point you make, and something I often think about (although admittedly I try to force those thoughts out of the way) – as we are thinking about the possibility of adopting in the future. Not sure what to say at the moment, but you’ve given me much food for thought, so thank you!

Thanks for leaving your comment

I agree with you that lots of adoptees are blogging and using youtube but in general they are not being listened to by agencies, policy makers or adoptive parents. They are just dismissed as angry or ungrateful or unstable.

I don’t think the age of the adoptee matters, they still have important things to say that need to be listened to. Also the basic structure of adoption hasn’t changed. The adoptees still loose their culture and their name and have to pretend they are related to people that they aren’t.
And there is still a really strong culture of adopted having to be grateful to their adoptive parents even if they were really bad parents.I still don’t think the child is put first. Adoptive parents adopt to fulfill a need in themselves not to full fill a need in their children

I obviously can’t speak for your situation because I’m not in it but I was in an open adoption and it still sucked. Also it sounds as if your child is quite young? so she may not understand or be able to articulate all the issues, it doesn’t mean they aren’t there for her. also adoptees are really good at hiding their feelings, after all if they have been given away once they can be giving away a gain so they modify their behaviour to stop that happening

What would you of wanted your birth “life” “natural” whatever mom to of done differently,

I would have wanted her to be given support in bringing her children up, emotional social and financial so we could have stayed with her. If that hadn’t been enough (and it might not have been because there were a lot of things going on for her) I would have rather stayed in foster care with my brothers and sisters

I can’t support the way it was done back in the 70’s and 80’s, they were not to nice to birth mom’s or adoptees then and most importantly the child wasn’t always put first. I was curious to know when you were adopted? I think the system has changed so much in the past 10 years. I hope my daughter is happy with my decision one day.

I don’t know how she would feel bitter or in grief over it. She will know about me as soon as she can talk and I get updates from the family every 2 months for the rest of her life and vice-versa. She has scrapbooks and letters and 5 dvds I already made for her when she does find out. I am dedication a book to her, written for adoptees, telling her story of how she was adopted. I keep a close eye on her, and I know she will know how much she is loved every minute of the day. I doubt I will ever have another child just because I cant imagine loving anything as much as her.

She is so happy and her family is so happy. I don’t see how she could feel the way you say you do. But I do know there is a part of me missing, so I guess there is inside her too. But I think that need is overshadowed by the need she would of had if I kept her, the need for simply a better life and childhood. But I’m new to this and still learning. Their are a lot of angry birth mom’s out their too, but they all seem to be from the pre-1990 adoptions too.
I think their is still much reform to be done in adoption though, and I hope to help with that effort. I think the act though of adopting, takes so much blind faith, and without God it’s got to be impossible (I feel) to get through it on either of the 3 sides of the triad. I know I wouldn’t of made it this long without Him. I shut down for a while after the adoption day. But I think with most great things in life their is also the not so great side to them too. What would you of wanted your birth “life” “natural” whatever mom to of done differently, if you don’t mind me asking? Maybe it’s not to late for me to change some things to help her!
Thanks, B